Merry Christmas, 2010

It’s December again and that means it’s the holiday season. But it’s also time to reflect on the year that was 2010.

What did I do this year? I worked at the golf course and had a few bad relationships (with girls). The 1st girl was into “role playing” in the bedroom which would have been okay if I could have chosen my own role. She was always a “college cheerleader”, a “sexy nurse” or a “domineering secret agent”. Me? She always wanted me to have the same role: her ex-boyfriend. A small price to pay to visit Historic Downtown DonQ, I thought, but the relationship fizzled…

The second girl was an egotistical beauty queen who was annoying as she was full of herself. Once, when I’d had enough, she said, “I’ve modeled on the runways of New York!” I asked which one. JFK or La Guardia? I haven’t heard from her in a while…

Since my brain injury hasn’t totally healed, I do a lot of stupid crap. I’ll mix up 7-11 with 9/11 sometimes. I’ll show up at Ground Zero looking to get some jerky and maybe a Slurpee.

I was admonished by the neighbor lady over a snowman that I’d made. It’s true, the snowman DID have a sizeable phallus that I fashioned from a cucumber and some grapes, but it was tastefully done, I thought. It was her contention that I should have made a uni-sex “snowperson.” Whatevs…

One of the revelations released from Wikileaks in secret documents was that Kris Kringle or “Santa Claus” was not born at the North Pole as history celebrates. Apparently, he was born in Kenya before moving northward to be the international Christmas representative. And it appears that he also has a well-kept secret drug problem. His corn cob pipe? Loaded with Salvia.

But all of the events of 2010 weren’t all bad.

* The popularity of President Obama has surged to an unprecedented 93%.
* Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, Kanye West, Jesse James and Mel Gibson took the year off to spend more time with their family
* We still have one Golden Girl
* Jessica Simpson has maintained her Daisy Duke-like petite figure
and,

* Jersey Shore was resigned to a 15 year, $1,345,000,000 deal


Like I said, personally, not my best year, but for a lot of people, it was the evolution of awesome.

To all of you, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. Even Dave Madden. Even though he stole Scarlett Johansen away from Ryan Reynolds. THAT wasn’t cool! Kinda hot… But not cool!

Anyway,

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM DONQ®