October, 2010 News

Charlie Sheen led this week’s news with a breakdown in a posh New York hotel with a girl who may or may not have been a hooker. His publicist claims that the emotional outburst was due to an adverse reaction to medication that he was taking, or as Wikipedia calls it, “a bad trip.” That Charlie! He could beat a nun to death with a sack of puppies and he’d still be “good ol’ Charlie” to everyone.

The alleged Tiger Woods sex tape has been proven to be a phony after the entertainment world was abuzz with the possibility of a new celebrity sex tape. I could have told them it was fake. Tiger takes off his WHITE Nike golf shirt before fornicating with what can only be described as a “woman.” On the bottom right hand part of the screen, the date is shown to be Sun. Nov. 7, 2007. EVERYONE KNOWS TIGER ONLY WEARS RED ON SUNDAYS!

President Obama seems to be losing his massive appeal with fellow Democrats in the upcoming November election. Democratic National Committee Chairman Tim Kaine made clear in an interview with "Fox & Friends" last week that he thinks candidates are more and more distancing themselves from the president. It’s kind of like in high school when you invite that one kid to the party just to be nice, then you are mortified when he wants to hang out with you all night. You’re telling the girls at the party, “I don’t know… He kind of looks up to me and follows me around.” And you tell the guys, “I don’t know who invited him… maybe someone should just take him home.”

The New York Gubernatorial debate has been electrified with “The rent is too damn high” party candidate, Jimmy McMillan. Other than “rent” I am not sure exactly what Jimmy stands for, but you have to admire a guy that reminds you of both Uncle Remus AND Colonel Sanders. And in his defense, the rent IS too damn high.

Speaking of Partys, China has released a statement concerning the growing popularity of the Tea Party movement in the United States. China claims, “Yeah, we started a Tea Party about 1,000 years ago and that lasted a good 3 years before we became Communists. Way to ‘take your country back’ you stupid Americans.”

Lindsay Lohan was allowed to enter rehab instead of heading back to jail, making what has to be her eighth stint in rehab. She’d better be careful though or she might fall victim to California’s new “9 Strikes and You’re Out” policy.

You know how I know you’re gay? You know who’s out on “Dancing With the Stars.”

Brett Favre is under fire for sending racy e-mails and pictures to Jets sideline hostess Jenn Sterger. Allegedly in 2008, Favre sent pictures of himself, along with voicemails soliciting sexual encounters. Note to Brett: if you’re going to send a picture of your junk to impress a girl, take a picture of one of you’re lineman’s junk. Your head won’t be in the shot so she’ll never know and even if she doesn’t accept a rendezvous with you, maybe she’ll show all her friends and word will get around town about “how well-endowed that Favre guy is.” I’m just sayin’.

On the local Public Access channel, they’ve started a new reality show called “Real house wives of Sevier County.” It’s entertaining, I guess, but I have to wonder if all of those girl fights at Bunco are staged.

That’s it for October. Happy Halloween!