The State of America

The United States isn’t doing well. In any respect, really. Not economically, not in the automotive field, housing, employment, self-confidence… you name it. Admittedly, I am no expert in… any field really, but I think I know why we all are facing so much adversity right now. Greed. Prestige. Impressing the neighbors. Driving cars we can’t afford, drinking scotch we can’t afford, buying houses we can’t afford… In short, it all comes down to one thing:

$.

Would Bernie Madoff have been able to sucker so many people out of so much money if there weren’t people who were so eager to make some easy money? Something for nothing has always been hard for Americans to say “no” to.

They say insurance companies are a cancer on our economy. AIG has made quite a name for themselves as well as many others. I don’t know much about the insurance game but it’s very telling when I go to pay a doctor bill and it’s $350 and I pull out my wallet and they say, “Oh, you’re paying cash? Oh, then it’s only $9.50.”

I died twice in 2006. I was hit by a drunk/stoned driver who had over 20 alcohol-related citations on his record, and just had another DUI almost exactly one month prior to hitting me. All the kings’ horses and all the king’s men put me back together again with titanium, screws and bolts (FYI if all the kings’ horses and all the king’s men do have to put you back together again, it’ll run you about $240k). He was insured with Geico, which made me wonder: who at Geico thought, “Hmmm, 20-something alcohol violations… seems like a good risk to me! Cash his check!”

I don’t care how cute the caveman or the gecko is, sometimes you have to just say no to money. But that’s kinda hard…

Former President George W. Bush said we had to invade Iraq because Saddam Hussein was a bad man. So we did. And we got him! I totally saw him hanged on CNN. Mission accomplished, I guess. But since the Iraq war, about 4,000 troops have died and around 24,000 wounded. Their mental anguish must be immeasurable. The long-term financial costs of the war could reach as much as $4 Trillion. Saddam must have been badder than I first thought because that’s a lot of effort just to get rid of a bad guy. I haven’t seen a battle plan like that since I played a game of Risk! against Jessica Simpson. It’s almost like there was another reason for invading Iraq. Shell and Exxon-Mobile made more money than they ever have, ever, in the history of ever, but I’m sure that was just a coinkydinct.

There’s this guy that no one likes at the golf course. He rubs everyone the wrong way and he’s not well-liked. He’s a bad guy, I guess you could say. However, I’m not going to spend $4 Trillion or have anyone die or wounded to get rid of him. Most likely, I probably just won’t wave when I pass him. That’s $4 Trillion I can keep in my pocket and spend on whatever.

Businessweek claims that 1,000,000 people lost their house in 2008 alone. You might see this as morbid news, but consider this: some of those houses were ugly and done in a Southwestern motif. Families losing their house? Some are very heart breaking stories. Some, however, you have to ask, “How did they buy a million dollar house making a combined $43k a year?” Yeah, maybe the bank was a bit negligent in just requiring a signature, but deep down the people knew what the f@ck was going on.

There’s nothing wrong with being rich. When you get rich, you can buy a really nice car. Probably something German. When you’re rich, you buy a German car to show everyone just how damn rich you are. When you’re poor, you get a Japanese car to save on gas. Is there really a need to save the American car industry? If there is, I think we should have a retro-active automotive bailout. Bring back the Edsell, DeSoto, Nash, Packard, and the Studebaker. Studebakers were badass, I’m just saying…

In this type of situation it’s natural to want to find someone or something to place blame and hold accountable for this sordid state of affairs. AIG, George Bush, Bernie Madoff, executives with lavish bonuses… someone has to jump on the grenade don’t they? Otherwise it’d be every single American who was right in the middle of an American Dream when it turned in to a nightmare.

I was laid off from my job two days before my birthday. It’s the economy, I was told. Phew! As long as it wasn’t my fault. Good thing I don’t have to work tomorrow. I plan on staying up, drinking expensive scotch, finding blame in the economy, making my vacation plans, and checking my PowerBall numbers online.

Should be a good night.